would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
this beer tastes like vomit already
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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