it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
