I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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