just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
