um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
