Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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