all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
