dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
A bitchslap is in order.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
