I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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