i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Randomize
