Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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