I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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