You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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