Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I could make wine with my vomit
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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