dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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