I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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