dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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