First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
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