i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
it was like eating out sand paper
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Sober January is a disaster.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
