i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
