Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
