can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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