So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
