Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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