john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
