Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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