He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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