god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
