I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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