You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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