she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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