if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
