Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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