I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
