can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Randomize
