the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
