Are we in a gay sports bar?
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
