Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
