Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
