i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize