My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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