Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Shitshow foam night was such a success
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
