why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
