bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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