Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Drunk is not a location!
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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