There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
