in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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