white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
do nipples grow back?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
