how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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