ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i just wanna soil my oats bro
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
