this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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