he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize