She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
