I think scott just propositioned me for sex
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
