you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
