so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Randomize
