You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
