apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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