forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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