Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize