i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
