I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
my poor anus
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
