so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize