Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Randomize
