I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
