It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
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