lets start a swedish sibling band together
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize