We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Randomize
