I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
