youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize