im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Alive.
So much puke
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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