stop calling my apartment porn island.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
