do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize