So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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