Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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