weddingsv make me drug and hornr
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
